Emotional intelligence, also called EQ, is the key to understanding human emotions. A better understanding of human emotions can make us better at almost everything we do. Recognizing, understanding and managing your emotions is half of emotional intelligence. The other half is being effective at recognizing, understanding and influencing the emotions of others. By developing our emotional intelligence, we can learn to maximize both. One is not necessary for the other, but both are necessary if we are to be effective. Knowing ourselves makes it possible for us to be authentic and choose how we interact with others. When we know others, we can influence and affect their behavior. With a solid understanding of EQ, we can build better relationships and achieve more. If you think your emotional intelligence is good, read on. It is common for people to overestimate their emotional intelligence. In fact, accurately assessing their EQ would be impossible for someone with a low EQ because they have no frame of reference.
The five critical dimensions of Emotional Intelligence are self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, social awareness, and social regulation. I have seen people who are good to others and out of touch with themselves. Also occurring, but rarer, are those who have good self-awareness and self-regulation, but are clueless when it comes to other people’s emotions.
Self-awareness is the ability to understand your moods, emotions, impulses, and triggers. Knowing your emotions and triggers can make you more aware of how you respond to circumstances and people around you. Your emotional responses affect those around you.
Self-regulation is about creating a positive effect by controlling or redirecting your impulses and emotions and adjusting your behavior. Because our emotions greatly affect others, being able to regulate our emotions and think before we act allows us to influence how we affect others. This can affect our relationship with our family, our colleagues and even our pets.
Motivation is a passion beyond the external drive of knowledge and power. It is an internal drive or desire to pursue goals with energy and persistence. People often look for motivation outside of themselves, but the truth is that all motivation is internal.
Social awareness is the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people and how our words and actions affect them. This understanding allows us to choose our words and actions carefully to achieve the desired result.
Social regulation is the ability to influence others through relationship management and networking. It’s the difference between seeing things happen and making them happen.
Successful leaders and exceptional performers have well-developed emotional intelligence. This ability enables them to respond effectively to the rapidly changing business world. A person’s IQ may be more important to their success than IQ. According to Daniel Goleman, author of five books on Emotional Intelligence, 80-90% of the skills that differentiate top performers are in the domain of emotional intelligence. Her hope is that tuning into her emotions can change the way people interact and expand their circle of care. When people can choose to treat each other with care and consideration, organizations will transform.
Three self-awareness skills are:
1. Identify and understand your emotional triggers to be able to deal with negative emotions (fear, anger, guilt and loneliness).
2. Ability to recognize a bad habit and its effect on you.
3. Ability to focus on something positive when in a negative situation.
Improving your emotional awareness can make a big difference in the quality of your life, especially if you find that you spend more time with negative emotions than positive ones. It is possible to improve your emotional intelligence.
Start with self-reflection. Identify and name your current emotional state. You don’t need to know the clinical or scientific name. You can identify a negative status as red and a positive status as clear. When assessing your emotional clarity, determine whether your current state is red, clear, or somewhere in between. To find out what emotions are driving your reactions, look for trends in your decision-making behavior. Understanding your feelings will help you learn how the negative or harmful behavior of others can trigger your emotions and influence your behavior. We rarely give our best response from a red state, and when we can modify our emotions, we can choose more resourceful states for ourselves.
Because understanding our emotions can be complicated, sometimes you need an outside opinion. Ask a family member, friend or someone you trust what they see as your strengths and weaknesses. Make a list and look at it daily. Notice how your strengths and weaknesses affect your behavior. Identify what you would like to change. Write down your emotional responses to situations to increase your emotional awareness.
Improve your self-regulation by listening before you respond or react, and try not to interrupt others. Learn to walk away when you find yourself in difficult situations or feeling overwhelmed. Determine the actions to take to manage your emotions. When you are negative, the feelings are strong, identify what caused you. It may be helpful to ask yourself, “Will this matter a year from now?” Being able to adjust your emotional responses by changing your perspective allows you to be proactive rather than reactive.
Motivation determines how well one manages their goals and is likely to seek new challenges. When someone’s motivation is low, they think, “What’s the point?” or “I don’t feel like trying.” Basic actions to increase motivation include setting specific goals with due dates, identifying why those goals are essential to you, and clarifying what you are passionate about. To capture that motivation, create a detailed action plan and post your goals where you can see them. It’s also powerful to visualize the results you’re trying to achieve. If you find it hard to get motivated about your day to day, plan something in the future that will excite you. Something to look forward to will create an attraction that will make daily life worthwhile.
Social awareness affects our ability to understand the emotions of others and empathize with them. People with low social awareness find it challenging to know how others respond to situations. To improve your social awareness:
1. Practice taking the social temperature of others.
2. Listen to their words and observe their non-verbal behavior.
3. Classify the intensity of your emotions.
4. Practice seeing things from another’s point of view.
5. Think about how your actions and words will affect others.
Improve your social awareness by being considerate of others. Mastering social awareness makes it possible to build strong and meaningful connections. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
Social regulation occurs when seeking to impact or influence another person’s emotional responses. People skilled in social regulation are good at influencing and inspiring others, building impactful teams, and managing conflict. Strong social regulation makes it possible to understand others and move people towards a common goal. Social regulation experts use active listening and verbal and nonverbal communication. They are persuasive and are good leaders. Improving your social regulation skills is simple. You simply show an interest in the well-being of others. When you remember people’s names and take responsibility for any misunderstandings, people will relate to you differently. By striving to have quality relationships, you can positively influence others.
Developing greater emotional intelligence helps us avoid negative emotions and behavioral patterns, deepens our relationships and improves teamwork. It increases our empathy and allows us to enjoy greater well-being, fostering individual, team and organizational success.
Cami Miller is a business coach and works with executives, entrepreneurs and family businesses, developing strategies for success. You can contact her at camimiller54@gmail.com
