This is the first time in a week that I’ve found anything in my fridge, but the washing machine is still humming from the mountain of towels and sheets. Our cat has finally found a quiet place to lay his head. I’m recovering from an extended celebration of my granddaughter’s college graduation that brought together relatives from three continents.
The graduation was in New York, but my son and his wife came from Singapore, and my grandson from the UK. All in all, it was a joyful meeting, but not without its challenges. We are a family of Indian chiefs. Can you imagine breakfast taking three hours a day as each person wakes up to make their own version of an omelet? One is vegan, another is lactose intolerant, another still maintains a nutritional regimen for extreme racing and adventure running.
My deck became an outdoor training center as members lifted weights, stretched and did floor exercises. Imagine if it had rained for a week during your visit! And, of course, I was offered free consultations on the value of healthy eating, exercise, glucose control, and ways to extend life.
I couldn’t help but wonder how my Connecticut neighbors live into their 80s without sophisticated devices and a wealth of information about longevity.
During the week, three generations together, each reflecting the values and experiences of their own lives, carefully navigated politics, gender issues, reproductive rights, mass shootings in the US, body tattoos, the consumption of drugs and the war in Ukraine.
My daughter-in-law, born in Russia, continues to hold dual citizenship and is defensive about the Russian invasion and how Russia is portrayed in the media. Although not an ally of Putin, she is angry that Russia has become a pariah among nations and experiences the collective shame of its actions. She is unable to hold a discussion about any aspect of the war with her own children. My personal empathy for the Ukrainian people and concerns for their children kidnapped by the Russians was not well received.
In retrospect, I should have kept that comment to myself, but at the time I thought it might generate a more universal response.
Especially troubling was an observation shared by my son, that “America seems more dysfunctional every time” he visits. Political polarization, mass shootings, radical abortion measures, unresolved immigration issues and social dissonance appear to be more glaring and pervasive. As someone who follows the news with grave concern every day, it only reinforced what many of us have known.
Graduations are truly a celebration as students close a chapter in their lives and look forward with a myriad of feelings and expectations. It is clearly a time of transition and, depending on circumstances and resources, it can bring hope and adventure, or anxiety, fear and insecurity.
Students have had a fling with independence during college, often with parental support, but now they are expected to go out on their own. Barely away from final exams and throwing their caps in the air, they have to endure “advice” and suggestions on how to manage their lives, and are asked about what they will do, how they will support themselves and their goals for life. future
It seems to me that once students overcome the pressures of school and parental expectations, and the flurry of activities surrounding graduation, it is a time for self-reflection.
Too many young people today are programmed by parents and social norms on how to live their lives. Graduation provides an opportunity to assert one’s autonomy, challenge norms, and free oneself from the burden imposed by others.
It’s time for helicopter parents to relinquish control and allow their children their own choices, mistakes, and experiences.
Yes, graduation is a time of celebration for students and parents. However, when families come together to celebrate, they bring their own family history and life experience, their generational views and, in many cases, multicultural attitudes about family, society and global issues. It can be a challenge for families at this time, unless we value the individuality of each member, and in particular the graduate, who has every right to forge his own path.
As a grandmother, I’ve learned when to be quiet, lead by example, set appropriate boundaries, and load the fridge. Today I am finishing the laundry and learning to adjust to life without them.
Claire Walsh is a retired clinical social worker from Killingworth.
